done. done like a dinner. see, now i have some handy-dandy links to blogs i read.

however, i have kept this IRL free. i am not completely sure why. i mean, i am only using this for me, anyhow. the links are really just so i can get to the blogs i like quicker. i am over the days of keeping one of these things for comments sake. i keep it because, well, i am honestly not sure. almost like a way of keeping grounded online. maybe an attempt to avoid the tendancy to get lost here. but i think i want to get lost. these blogs, these people here, you are all more real than the seething, smoking, drinking, breathing crowd a matter of metres away. they are the shadows, the insubstantial.
this is why i am questioning if have started to spend too much time online again. i prefer this reality to the flesh and blood type. i love dreaming conversations, endless email pinpong, eye contact through old photos, touching outstreched fingers through chat softwear. everything seems so far away. you know? because it is.

what am i missing that makes this more real, people? or does it matter? can't i just divide myself into here? the noise here makes my head hurt, and everyone is smoking, drinking, scuttling around. they are crammed into the smoking section like sardines.

my head hurts from the noise. everyone is wearing makeup., you may as well be invisible to me.
give me random online connections over that mass any day.

i'd say i just need to get out more, but i don't really like getting out.
i need those life changing beautiful moments. the ones you remember as possibly being made up? yeah.