disgrace and the captains table

list!

1.
fucked up uni. more to the point ; i've realised my anxiety disorder needs treating. it's made me exceedingly irrational for the last month or so. i spend all day rocking or trying not to. i went home and vomited. i shook and could not think straight. uni is not worth this. nothing is. i need to sort myself out before i do this again, because i feel like hell, and i have fucked up multiple other things (or at least, made things messier) due to this.

2.
starting to knit a little bit again, for comfort. i forget how much better it makes me feel when i cannot breathe or eat or move.

3.
paper folding.

4.
writing.

5.
i want to make something rich from inside of me more than i want to write essays right now. if this makes my career path fall back a few steps, it doesn't matter. i need to get my brain in order badly.

6.
i am trying to be less afraid of being in love. fear is the mindkiller. all it has done is create confusion. i need to be clear. i want to be clear. and not afraid.

7.
bunny is eating my pretty origami paper. awwww.

8.
i have a new friend - a dead turtle that's been on the side of the road for a few months. now it lives in my room.