music

first.
a shout out to all my regular/avid readers. i know a few people OS have kindly read all the way back to the beginning, and hell, two or three Different IP's in canberra have too. so, good on you. if you wish me well, then i hope you got something out of that much reading. if you don't, i hope you find something more constructive to do with your time than this, and that you move on from your anger, your hatred, your misreading of situations, your childishness, and your spite. this is a mixed message, to two people. and no, neither of you get the chance for feedback, because comments are staying off, because i don't need you. this blog will go on long after you are gone from my life, and i from yours, and i refuse to stop this one just because i know a few people in fucking canberra read it, who loathe me. ok?

i saw ani difranco tonight. i love live music. it makes me happy in a way that few things do. there is a room full of people, and as you listen to songs that you have heard more times than you remember, with which you have complex relationships develop, which are sacred to you. in a room of people who weep on hearing the same song, or love, or celebrate and dance, or just sing along silently. you catch the eyes of a stranger who sees it too, and you feel it together, and you can feel the sounds below your feet, and the vibration is just completely different from music that's canned.

i adore ani because she is frank, she is bare and naked, and she is shameless. she does not hide. she is utterly vulnerable. she allows people to see her, and take it. they may mock her, or think she is 'adolescent' for expressing emotions, or that she is weak because she cares passionately, feels passionately, sings passionately... i loathe that. i loathe smugness, and that need to remain cynical and bitter in order to be 'strong' because that sort of strength just proves you are weak. this is an angry post from me out to the world of people/person who glares and smirks at me, all smug, because i am full of life, and i don't feel ashamed, and i don't need to skulk, or wear my detachment and bitterness, and my 'hell is other people' on my sleeve. i am not afraid to love, and live, even though it is scary. i fuck up often, and end up in the gutter, but i am not ashamed of this. i get angry beyond belief at condescension and i think if it happens one more time, something will end, what, i don't know.

for another note:

bands i have seen. this list is to comfort me of the fact i missed - beirut, tv on the radio, explosions in the sky, tegan and sarah, et al, in the last year since moving to canberra...

ani difranco - x2 canberra 09, brisbane 04
morrissey - livid (brisbane) 02
the cure - brisbane 07
the mountain goats - the zoo (brisbane) 08
casiotone for the painfully alone - the troub (brisbane) 07
the dresden dolls - the zoo (brisbane) 06 (?)
amanda palmer - the zoo (brisbane) 07
sigur ros - x2 - tivoli (brisbane) 07
bjork - big day out (gold coast) 07
arcade fire - big day out (gold coast) 07
reguritator - x2 - the met (brisbane) 07, big day out (gc) 07
mogwai - livid (brisbane) 02
dirty three - livid (brisbane) 02
bill callahan (smog) - the troub (brisbane) 06
low - the troub (brisbane) 06
animal collective - the zoo - (brisbane) 06
m ward - the zoo (brisbane) 07
patrick wolf - rosies (brisbane) 07
piana - powerhouse (brisbane) 07
tennis coats - x3 brisbane various
pj harvey - brisbane convention centre 05
sufjan stevens - the troub (brisbane) 07
tujiko noriko- x2 brisbane


this is just bands that are big, make music and not sound, and massively effected me. there were others that i have seen that haven't shifted me massively. others, locals, (candy falls, rialto decibel choir, marlinchen, all and sundry, ambitious lovers et al) i have seen multiple times, in multiple venues (lots of rics. lots and LOTS of rics).

i will ahve missed heaps out, but this comforts me. it reminds me of wonderful heavy solid moments that make me cry and feel human so alive so utterly bodily.

and fine, laugh at me because i feel things and am not ashamed to say so. fuck you.