zen flesh, zen bones

i ordered 'zen flesh, zen bones' - a translation of a collection of zen koans and works - from work, and bought it. this is unusual for me... i usually order something, leave it on the shelf for a few months, and then spend a few hundred dollars in a buying frenzy. but. i've wanted a readable introduction to zen buddhism for a long time, and it's an excellent, readable collection of important zen texts. and that is the way to understand understanding zen - through reading it, rather than explainations of it, second hand. it's a clearer, fleshier way to get to the heart of it. i think i have a book 'the heart of zen' which bamboozles me, but not sufficiently to clear my mind and be zen. in any way.

i've recovered old shawl of cashmere and am picking at that between the alpaca one.... i've just fallen in love with the stitch pattern in 'victorian lace today' and the ease of knitting with alpaca, the laceweight of which is infinitely stronger than the cashmere - as much as the cashmere is feather soft, and so light and airy as to feel like it's not even there, the constant breaking shits me. the silk is softer, and about 50 times stronger. it withstood all sort of abuse in my many attempts at self-designed shawl. so my 4 cones of silk stare at me, me at them, and i play with the current shawls. i am deeply excited about being knit-proficient enough to embark on one of the giant, spiral shawls in 'victorian lace today'. oh lordy that is one exciting lace book. and 'a gathering of lace' and 'artic lace' are so so So high up on my list of things to knit.

hey, i get paid for my 'brow' contribution! whattya know! i will get a knitting book, and/or yarn with it to celebrate Knitty Article Publication. and if any of my lovely knitty angels are interested in reading about the Knittyboard, you can order it through 'the lifted brow' link to your right.

i have had too much coffee today. v. at the IMA ended up with a ten minute rant about book distribution in borders verses in other brisbane bookstores, followed by a run down of my favourite books, and the necessity of stocking translated literature in order to gain a fuller experience of contemporary international publishing. yes. coffee makes ranting. hm.

book binging

yes. i went, and splurged on books. this was a good feeling.


today, and continually, i am working on what i am calling the 'soft spot.' finding what is behind the anger and sadness and stuff i raise up in reaction to stuff. being gentle with self, soft with self. quiet with self.


in order to help this, i joined a video store and got out a lesbian teen movie. and goodbye lenin.

i saw 'little miss sunshine' and i laughed and laughed and laughed.

and i am going to make some Goals.

i've never seen you so awful; i found you at the bottom of a russian novel

.........

today is a less-bad day.

somehow, the cat is wet. i felt his tail up against my leg. this is confusing because we live in an apartment, and the cat can't get onto the varanda. strange.

my feet hurt.

.........

i found something repulsive.

terry and lees jeans making porn-o babies.

we have had his repulsive book at work, 'terryworld'.

aparently, pedophilia is cool or something? coooool. that is going to make me buy jeans? god, it's sick. call me a prude, but child pornography in No way is going to convince me to get a pair of jeans.

..........

lachlan is here. we are singing a song that goes alone the lines of 'oh no little toe.' this is because my toes are cold.

..........

i plastic wrapped heaps of books today. plastic wrapping books gives me a profound sense of satisfaction.

littleknits has some phenomenal new sea silk colours that i am looking at. the plan is that at each $500 increment i get down on my debt, i can get a present. when i am down to $1000 debt, i can get some yarn.

pretty yarn. halloween yarn. i feel deeply sad that i cannot do the spooky SP because of poorness.

ebay is fun.

it's been a long and boring day. outside the computer. inside the computer, however, there have been struggles - yes, battles between me and other ebayers. i am yet to call myself the proud owner of anything i have bidded for today. but, lets see how i go. i have three lots i am waiting on right now.
set of DPN's, bamboo
some really cheap NZ wool
this beautiful little book of shelley from the 1900 or so... so pretty. fairly tattered, but still stunning. and a steal for the (current) $30 AUD. i will be sad if i lose that one. *eyeballs anyone reading this who likes shelley and might steal this off me. realises the chances that anyone reading this cares about shelley are pretty much nil.*

i had an extremely intoxicated lad chat to me on the way home. it was sort of funny. and then, on the way to work today, i saw a (possibly) homeless bloke with a flat screen tv. strange. he was just sitting at the bus-stop with his tv. it baffled and amused me. no syringes or condoms though! what an exciting change! nor any vomit! which is rare. especially on a saturday morning. usually the streets are littered with vomit. saturdays are when i don't love living in the valley so much. people, for gods sake, vomit in the garden or something. it's Gross when you do it on the sidewalk. even the gutter is better.

suicide girls is on tonight. i am avoiding the valley, due to the large amount of emo-testosterone that will probably be present. what irritates me with obessively anit-suicide girls people is that - yep. suicide girls are feministically-dubiously-anti-feminist. however, i don't see that much specifically aimed anger at things like illegal street prostitution, and the state of the women forced into it. or to the likes of players universal, where my dear sister had to work when she was forced out of her previous job. she is lucky, as she has more than just looks to get her another job. not everyone does though. your average strip club does far more than the suicide girls will, and yet, there is all this ranting about the latter. *shrugs*. personally, there are bigger feminist issues out there for me than porn, or stripping. far, far more. that, and i am generally bored by the whole debate. *coughs* and being randomly forced into it. *shrugs*

tonight! will be a knitting night! and maybe a reading night. i bought a very interesting book of contemporary jewish short stories by an othodox jewish american. sounds really good. that, and two children's books.

and i still want to read that gail jones book, 'dreams of speaking,' i bought about a month ago.
and, on the book topic, i read an appaling children's book called 'angel-monster,' about the relationship between mary and percy shelley. i don't even know where i would start with what was wrong with the book. it pains me to think about how terrible it was. and inaccurate. and generally flawed. i still feel sort of dirty from reading it.

i could have spend that hour reading something else. lordy, i work in a bookstore, it's not like i am starved for choice.

i am 30inches through the strap for lucky. it's getting closer to finished. but, but... i need it done for sigur ros!! can i do it? can i? go team elizabeth! you can do it! * cheers *

okies. back on task with knitting rather than ranting. :)

i am Sleeving as we speak. not literally, silly! i am through to the second last piece of my Lucky, and, i swear to gods i will finish the bugger! by the end of the month! to take to sigur ros! to Wear to sigur ros.

it's my snow jacket.

now. the job conundrum.
*sighs*

happy books, and little pay, art gallery-standing around, more pay.


more money means new york. mean moving to melbourne to do my masters. means saving. means having the internet at home. come on. someone, make up my mind for me, already!....

if someone could explain WHY i cannot delete the double post, or why they only come up when i view it in certain ways, i would be a happy little chicken.

i am greatly looking forward to dinner. noogie is cooking me squid! how great is that? how i love squid. this is why i am not really a vegetarian. i don't eat mammals. or poultry. i just, well... eat fish. it came from the sea, then goes into me. yummy.

today was a very boring day at work. boring days make me feel a little manic. however, i did buy some books, which is always a cause for excitement. not a particuarily suprising cause for excitement, but a cause for excitement nonetheless.

today i got...

schoolgirls - a book about self esteem and american teenage girls, written in the 80's

the new gail jones book... the name escapes me - sounds enchanting though

and 'independant people' by mr laxness for noogie, as he mentioned he wanted to read it, (and i want to read it a little itty bit too... but we can share)

i also got a crate from the wine emporium to put more books in. lordy, i have a problem. heheh... i also bought some great tasmanian beer. well, it looks great. it will accompany dinner. though i want beer now. i also want to knit more of my special wonderful orgyastically great mohair 'branching out' because it is so good... oh i LOVE the mohair, it is practically weightless. and so soft and beautiful.... oh i love it. the most beautiful green as well.

i cannot even say what was so boring about today. that is how boring it was. Yawns......