walking

i ate a lot of garlic yesterday and today, and my sweat smells like garlic. it's not an offensive smell to me, but i'm fairly sure it's more offensive to others. god, i love garlic.

list time:
1. walking to work and home from work was great. i did mentally gripe, and verbally gripe, but it's actually a good thing. i liked doing it. i'm going to keep doing it. i feel better for it; more awake, more alert.

2. however, i feel profoundly grumpy. i think this might be due to cutting down the refined sugar in my diet, through aiming to eat better. it makes me feel very, very cranky pants.

3. little bunny chewed through my ipod cord. bad bunny. Bad. awww but his little face is so cute, gawd i love him.

4. speaking of, my own issues are frustrating me. yes. i don't care, that's how i feel, i'm not apologising for it. i wish i wasn't so terrified of emotional intimacy. that level of human-ness scares me deeply. i can fuck any stranger, but if someone wants deeper, god, i get like a shy little bunny and scuttle around head into holes. i am no longer an All Powerful Amazon Warrior. i get scared. i need to re-settle into a headspace. but a lot of things that were really, really worrying me - mainly the feelings of a third party in a situation in am in, have been clarified, and i feel so much better, so much less mean, nasty, stealer, than i did. it's all good in that respect. now the only thing i need to work my way through is my self. oh goody. you know what that means? Navel Gazing! with the fishy. he will help me. with his fishy, fishy goodness. mmmmfishy.

5. snortle snortle goes little bunny. snortle. he keeps chewing on my copy of 'intercourse' which is amusing. is he bitter about the depiction of intercourse in novels as well? or just bitter because he has no testicles? or does he just like the texture of the paper? i guess i'll never know. he also pissed all over my study guide for uni, which made me giggle, and give him a cuddle. we feel the same, there, little dude. totally the same.

6. sigh, i feel homesick at the moment for brisbane, something chronic. i can't go home til jan. it's almost november though. only two months. i can make it.

dialogue with autumn girl

me: so, what are we doing? i'm supposed to be awake. that's part of why i ask you over.
autumn girl: maybe you are just being Boring. i blame the fact you are on the internet, checking your facebook.
me: hey, i watched little britain
autumn girl: doesn't count. hey, if you'd bothered to take advantage of me visiting earlier, in stead of scrubbing the hotplates in the kitchen, and doing the jigsaw, you'd not be pissed off at me.
me: hey, i'm not pissed off at you, or me, really. i like sleeping too. i was just hoping to be productive and focused for a bit longer
autumn girl: you could write an annotated bibliography of all the teen lesbian books you have?
me: i know this, we talked about this in the shower. we also planned an alternative thesis, and four different versions of it, from a web portal, to the viability of creating a series of links with the changing nature of the internet, and the way people use google. that's all good and well, autumn girl, but now i can barely keep my eyes open, and by all logic, i should be dancing with you for another few hours.
autumn girl: i dunno. it's weird eh?
me: why the fuck did i spend last time decorating my wall with fucking fairy lights?
autumn girl: hey, i'm not the brain. i just make things exciting for you, you know. jumping around, pointing, making you focus nice and clearly. it's not MY fault if you focus on decorating your damn wall with fairy lights rather than planning the not-yet-enrolled in masters thesis, or the year or so away PhD.
me: sorry, autumn girl.
autumn girl: that's ok.

sunnnnier. (well, actually cloudier)

yestudays abject misery has faded somewhat.

i still feel relatively foul, but able to Tackle the World. or, sort of prod the world, reluctantly, looking dishevilled, and scattered and distracted.

i need to make some lists of Things I Need To Do.

and then, i can go forth, conquer my degree work life moving et al.

in the mean time though, i think i am going to scuttle to my apartment and get my kwan yin book and carry it around with me, as well as both sets of mala beads for comfort.
i know that they don't actually bring me 'luck' or make things better or easier. but i feel deeply comforted by them nonetheless. i feel some sort of vague direction, some sort of sense of size, presence place reason meaning.

lachlan is really sick at the moment - bad head cold. the poor lamb just wants to sleep all day.

it's not really that much work. i've gotten a firm handle on SQL, it's ended up being my easiest subject once i am in the labs actually constructing searches.
research subject is still my favourite.

have to somehow apologise to x for my drunken postlecture ramble monday night. feel more than slightly humilated by my stupidity. gooooooooooooood god, elizabeth. no more. enough is enough. no . more . today i am going to the LIBRARY after work, and i am working on my information literacy poster, my issues report on equity, and my analysis of a case study of technology as effecting enterprise architecture. and that other thing... that ... thing. assingment two for reasearch methods.



there are many other things i want to be doing. right. now.
these things do not involve assessment or uni or work or life or Anything.

*sighs*

four words

I.got.the.scholarship


oh . my . lord.

almost $13 000 worth of tuition fees paid. the fact i can now put on my resume that i was the 2007 recipient of the Postgraduate Female Scholarship.

i am so excited i could freaking fly right now.

(and i got a note from monkee moo! whoot!)

question of the day!
will elizabeth Ever finish the introduction to her thesis?

i totally Love dana, my friend who i am talking uni things with. lordy, it is GOOD to rant about my favourite books with someone. i am sending her emails resembing essays, with analyses of multiple books. oh it's sweet. i get to rant to someone who actually cares. whoa.....

maybe i should join the branching out KAL.... my branching out is my friend.. it is so soft, and beautiful...

i only learnt today that in america, mardi gras has nothing to do with gay people, glitter, and safe-sex awareness. kylie has nothing to do with it. hmm.... aparently it is a big catholic thing. i am very glad i found this out now.

*sighs* i have to swap tutors. it's like breaking up with someone. ick. ick ick ick.

i need more food. however, i also have no money. this is a quandry. at least i don't have to work tomorrow...