much much better feeling.

oh yes indeedy.

i have so many beautiful knittyfriends. i am truely truely blessed. this makes me feel like the luckiest person alive sometimes. and, inspiration struck just last night walking home. i saw a beautiful shawled-up installation, and i talked to dhana about showing work, and i have prospects.

i also prioritied a lot of my guilt. which is good. i ... perhaps that is not the right word. i realised that i have made myself take a lot of blame on board for things that were reactions. reactions to things that i had a right to be mad and hurt and sliced to pieces about. i need to remember that. i reacted badly. but. it was reaction. these things all happened for a reason. it was not all mu fault, and my perspective was valid. i have a right to feel pain. and, by god, i am glad they happened.

things i feel so happy about right now.



1. my beautiful lachlan.

we have been together three years as of the... 27? of december. that is the date we call, because we are both terrible at remembering things. he has made these last few years so much more beautiful. he is my best friend; from the moment we both stepped into the airport to go to new york, that started our life together. that was the point where something began. it didn't happen straight away. it was about a week of gentle colour, shades, movement. he gave me space. he made me feel more happy with myself than i had ever been. he makes me see things clearly.... my feelings for him don't colour my world. they clarify it.
2. my books. they make me feel peaceful.
3. my precious friends.

more knitting content, less griping. not that i think i will need to, now i have clarified things a lot more. new pages. still a little fragile, patience is a birchtree, getting there.