ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- changes....

i kinda feel like giggling because of the vast level of change that has happened since last posting.

lachlan and i broke up, but, and this is the weird thing, it was both completely, totally mutual, and a good thing. i mean, i am at his house now. we'll probably see more of each other now. nothing has changed at the same time that everything has changed, only that we are sort of begining to lead seperate lives.

a part of me realised that i only wanted to move in there because i felt like that is what i was suppose to want. and, i realised that so much of what iwas doing was not based on what i wanted, but what i though i was ment to want, how i was ment to act, how i was suppose to feel. and, now, i want to find out how i actually feel.


on this note, i have mandated a week of No Binge Drinking, starting today. yes to occasional wine, NO to drunken-ness. and a complete ban on smoking, which seems to be my latest, extremely idiotic habit when drunk. i cannot describe how much this both sickens and confuses me, because smoking is utterly revolting, and bad for me, i mean, one of the WORST POSSIBLE THINGS for you, and when i am sober, the mere smell of cigarettes near me makes me feel ill. however, once i have had a drink, i start craving them.

i had a night of wild part-aying with b. and n, two people i went to school with. b was my epic highschool crush, and n was his friend. being on friend-terms with a past infactuation is stupidly fun. the three of us had a deliriously good drunk time wandering around the valley. it makes me giggle also how much i am enjoying this going-out-hanging-out-drinking-meeting-strangers-in-the-street-dancing-like-a-moron-having-stupid-adventures..... i think i will be slightly troppo for a bit - i have been in a relationship of some form since i was 16 for gods sake. i'm 23 now, and really looking forward to some manic, 'elizabeth-wants-to-do-this-and-now-i-only-answer-to-me' fun.

and the best thing is that it was mutual. i am so happy for lachlan as well, because i love him so completely from the bottom of my heart, but yeah.... it's not our time to be together. we both feel relieved.

and emily, his housemate, has promised that we are still an urban family and she is going to be my exercise buddy, and drinking pal, and wise lady.

and, i got another knitting book, and am working on the coat again. happyme.