new order on the radio

well. cd player to be precise.
it's cheering me up because i feel. utterly. gutwrenched. right now.

i took a mental health day yesturday, skipping work and uni, lying in bed until midday, a friend came over, i ate fruit, we went out and got food, i ate goat, because i Fucking Wanted Meat, and i moaned a lot about how i feel like i am Lost in a Forest, All Alone, and i wished impossible things, we got drunk in a park like 16 year olds, moaning about our respective confusings and arght.... i just want to pull a blanket over my head and forget about everything.

when you pull a doona over your head, it takes you to tropical ice-y land, where everything is ok.
but, i ran into andrea last night, which has made me feel ectatic. utterly overjoyed. i love andrea more than i love almost anyone else in the world. just seeing her makes me happy in my heart.

my buddy, on seeing her, after seeing a large indie crew of 'beautiful people' was overwhelmed by how beautiful andrea was. it's not just the fact she looks like a pixie goddess,but its... her.

i.feel.like.i've.lost.a.limb.

and a good one, not some shit limb. i ... don't know where anything is and i am spinning spinning spinning.....

i need blur. and brit pop. and new order. and.... yeah.

i miss him. i miss a 'relationship'. i miss that safety security that sense of home. i have no home.and i feel ......