two weeks. two weeks of watching traffic imagining being in the path of a fast moving car, seeing glass on the road imagining plunging it deep into my wrist, watching feet on the ground, walking walking walking mindful stop running ahead, i see people mouthing in cars and they are mouthing the words to the song i am listening to, everyone can hear it there are eyes in the grass there are eyes in the grass....
i give it two weeks. when did this start? it started last week, early last week i started down the rabbit hole, it got worse, but this is heavy fog and i'm losing track of time already so i need to count the days tally tally in order to remember what's going on. i need to count the days so i know when it goes into a place that's classified as illness, serious illness, oh, but i'm not sure how violent the thoughts have to be and my mind has to split so far, oh like a peeling banana down goes the skin, slowing easing out the fruit.
tracking tracking bringing it back. note psychotic thoughts, disregard them, note the voice, disregard it, ignore, mindful, go back to the step, sleep heavily whenever i can, take it and dive in because it takes away awareness.
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