with the new artworkers site, i have the oppertunity to work out a little more about my art practice. i am going to go home, paint, and think about my practice, and what i am doing, and what it means to me as an artist.
or even if i consider myself an artist. this is a concept i struggle with; i feel like 'artist' is something you earn, not something you claim because you make and think about art.
i mean, i've had... two exhibitions since finishing uni. i still wish i had taken up the soapbox show, but ... such is life. but two in two years... it feels pretty feeble. then again, i've really put almost no drive behind working with my practice. so it's something i can get to. maybe i am at a place where something more productive will come out now.
i guess i feel insecure because my work is, by its nature, sort of 'small' ... i work on small scale, with small colours... well, lack of colour, and with 'small' mediums like knitting and sewing and itty bitty canvas slices. i have paused before getting back into touch with the transit lounge, because i am evaluating what i am doing and why. it's good, i think, to question, but you can get to a point where you paint yourself into a courner and just get nowhere.
you know, i can do something. i can find a place. i just become really, really anxious about having to get somewhere, which also paints me into a courner. can't i just do drawings of the cat? and sew white fabric back onto itself? i think that is what i need to do before i actually can move. i feel like i dig myself into a hole without moving, just sinking down further and further, gettting more and more anxious. i see lists, and it makes my throat thicken. that is part of the problem of the internet.... it's an easy way to coil up on myself. i'll dig myself into holes by looking through other people's achievements and it just makes me feel more and more frightened, and fluttery, and birdlike. my eyes will get wide and i will swallow a lot.
but, this is something i care about. and people without any obligations to me say that i have something there worth working with. and yeah, now, i'm going to fuck it and go out on a limb. this is something i have struggled with in my art practice most strongly during uni. i felt like ... i was sort of marginalised by people close to me, and negated due to my insecurity. yeah, i don't just want to make art for art's sake, because i think i have something to say. i don't know if i have something to say, or if the best way to say it is through art at the moment. but it's something i want to play with and find my way through, and i don't want to have to make excuses anymore.
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2 comments:
Close your ears to your insecurities. Listen to what your heart and mind tell you about your art. Being an artist is about the ideas in your head and the way you view the world. It isn't about how big or expensive your art is. I have seen some very beautiful work that is all the more striking and intense because it is small. It draws you closer instead of overwhelming you with sheer size.
Size does not matter. I don't remember what her name is, but there is this artist who would create these miniature rooms that were incredibly detailed. You'd look through the windows and expect tiny little people to walk in and start living their lives. It was so neat, so well executed. They had an exhibit at the museum in Chicago, and I loved it. Even my aunt, who isn't much of a museum person, thought it was neat.
The other one was a bunch of little paper "boxes" at our chain coffee shop, of all places. The artist had arranged objects in each of them, and every little box had a theme.
Not painting or the kind of art they're likely to put in a museum, but I really, really liked it.
Art has to be meaningful to you. I know other people's labels bring in the bucks, but bucks and other people's opinions are not what make you an artist. Keep up the good work!
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