doldrums

read a book today that made me feel ill with sadness, and so so angry at the media, at the australian federal police, at the legal system over two countries, and for all the people in the world who are unjustly imprisoned for crimes they did not commit. miscarriages of justice makes me feel sick. people judging people and familys based on unusual names and socieoeconomic status makes me angry. the fact i can't even blog about this infuriates me, because i would be vulturised like everyone else in my family has been. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. no one should watch those 'current affairs' programmes, or read a WORD of bullshit in any australia newspaper. it's bullshit, and i feel so repulsed about a horrible horrible event happening to someone close to me becoming national entertainment. i feel sick and so angry every time people feel the need to tell me what 'they' think happened.
you know, i don't care what you think happened. you don't fucking know. so shut up.

i've had a whole spectrum of responses to it. you know, one of the most moving was from someone i wasn't friends with at the time. in fact, there is a solid skin of mutual dislike seperating us. she responded with 'oh god, i had totally forgotten about it. oh god, i am sorry, that sounds terrible. i am so sorry about it all.'
that meant so much to me. so so so much. no arrogant snort at my family. no laughing in my face about it. no immediate conspiracy theory. why is it that someone who doesn't like me managed to be nicer to me about it than friends?
(i am going to choose to negate the corrosponding email the following day from said person's partner regarding a book i had mentioned to someone else. i still feel confused by this response.)

saw fourcolour last night, at room40. i wouldn't have minded seeing some of the sound polaroids, but, well. i am trying to save money. we were on the Verge of going to 'because of ghosts,' but lachlan forgot his ID, so our decision was made for us. it was interesting. i was, however, really sleepy. so it was hard to stay awake. ergo hard for me to say anything interesting/uninteresting about it, other than... 'me sleepy. swooshy guitar sounds. mmmmmsleepy'. lachlan loved it. we didn't stay for the second act. i just heard from someone that 'because of ghosts' were terrible, so i feel a little better.

we met up with the utterly divine pair from 'rialto decibel choir' for coffee- without having coffee. A & J are utterly deeeelightyful.

re-reading 'beauty and misogyny.' maybe it should be re-re-reading. it is one of my favourite books, and an amazingly important feminist book. i am really really glad i bought it. she articulates how i feel about so many issues so neatly, so clearly. i especially liked the section on cosmetics and high heels.
the basic response to people wearing makeup is so often 'but i wear it because it makes ME feel good about myself.' that is so so sad, that our society is structured and women are impailed into thinking that you will feel better about yourself when your skin is masked with potential carcinogens. that you will feel 'more feminine' by conforming to a strict, inflexible notion of how skin is suppose to look, and how women are suppose to look.
and what is most interesting, is how the pornstitution culture is what initially, all those years ago, pushed cosmetics out of the brothel and into the homes of every 'real' woman.

i use to love makeup. i still like powders and colours and small containers. so i play with lachlans pigments.

and, in other news, i feel sort of lame for being sucked in by my porntroll. i got a feminist troll. how goddamn funny is that. i have never, ever seen a feminist troll before. usually trolls are stupid morons who like to rant misogynisically away on blogs. anti-porn trolling is just... utterly bizarre.
lesson for the week. don't feed the trolls.