bad, bad veritas.

i bought Two delightful bottles of cherry beer. at $8 each. that is Stupid.

and an amazing shirt with little dinosaur stilhouettes on it. for $40. this was, however, reduced from $269 dollars, so the bargin outweighs the fact i just bought More clothes, probably the last thing i needed.
hm.

i feel truely Poopie today. so i have reasoned i need to eat More Fruit, Less Chocolate, and No Processed Food today, and so on, until i feel better. come on, brain. come on.... *zaps brain with super electric things...* i mean, nothing triggered this one. i have had a great few days. admittedly, i fucked up the surprise crochet project, which, though frustrating, is hardly reason to get as poopie as i am now.

however, i refuse to make this a rambling, 'wahh, listen to me talk about my ongoing battle with depression,' because it's not that interesting for me to write, or for anyone to read, and thinking about yourself is about the worst thing you can do to help depression. so, i am trying to be Positive, and Mindful.
and some of my special books came in, so i can go home and read my zen buddhist and tibetan buddhist books. it is honestly the best therapy i can give myself. remember to be mindful. remember the self is a thoughstream. remember that there are chemicals in my brain that get more thrown out by negativity. remember that each action should be done to help me and all other sentient being reach enlightenment. remember to breath. watch the breath. remember to be peace, be compassion. remember interconnectivity; that each part of life around me is made up of thousands of others.

*sighs* rught. either that, or i can go to the doctor, and ask to get hiked up to the 150mg again.

i need to.
... finish my 'lucky'
... write thesis
... think about thesis
... do the ADS returns in the back room
... save money to pay off credit card more
... save money to buy a table when anita moves out.
... count minutes until house no LONGER smells like weed
... " " i no longer run into strangely drug effected people when going to get a drink of water


i Hate mercury retrogrades. i'm an aries. mercury retrogrades make me feel like each particle of energy is being drained out of my fingers. argughg. come on, going backwards is lame. stupid mercury.