fat

i am watching a you tube clip about a woman who was told she was fat. she's about my size.

here's something. i hate fat jokes. i hate them. yes, in malicious moments, i've made them, and i now, as an adult, regret them. anyone who makes them is an idiot. an complete and utter fucking idiot. making fun of someone due to their weight is retarded. judging someone due to their weight is retarded. commenting cruelly about having sex with someone due to their weight is utterly despicable.

i love women and men, in many sized. i find women with slight, boyish figures sexy. and i find women with curvy, round soft figures sexy. i find tall women, short women, white women, black women sexy. i find Older women and younger women sexy. i also find women of all of those descriptions unsexy. it really depends on the individual.

however, i hate hypocrites. i hate it when someone rants on and on about ONE person suggesting someone is overweight, and yet not caring when someone else outright laughs at someones weight. that's fucking stupid. i hate it when people bring others down to make up for their insecurities. that would be as pathetic as me laughing at other people with acne, or with large noses, or too many cut scars. it doesn't make me bigger. it makes me smaller. it makes me a small, pathetic, feeble human being who cannot even stand up and own their faults or body image problems.

i own the fact i hate my skin. i have acne. i refuse to take roaccutane, because it will cause fertility issues in the future. i considered it once, recently, in a moment of vulnerability, but would rather have a few pimples than a child with birth defects. however, the thought of laughing at someone elses bad skin? that sickens me. how utterly pathetic and childish is that?

i hate my oversized nose. plenty of other people like it, and think it is cute, or sexy, or whatever. i still hate it. it makes me feel like my face is shaped like a beak or something. i have crooked teeth, and don't pluck my eyebrows. all these things make me feel a little bit ugly sometimes. but i don't make myself feel better by laughing at others who have physical problems/differences/appearances.

i have things i love too. i love my body hair. i will not tolerate people laughing at it, and if they are shocked, or grossed out by underarm or leg hair on a woman, if it's leg, i usually get them to pat it. i've never had a man not concede that it's ok after patting it. if people have an issue with my pubic hair, i just tell them to go fuck someone else, and they don't deserve to have anything to do with my body. i do what i want with my body, and no other human being will have control over that.

right now, i've lost a lot of weight in the last few weeks. my clothes hang off me, and my face looks a bit gaunt. however, my skin is clearing up (juz, bless her soul, says it is because i got rid of the toxin of the 'badman'). when my weight stops me looking like i have an eating disorder, i'll be happier. however, i still stand firm. i loath people making a joke out of people's genuine disorders, or problems, or even, fuck it, NOT problems, but their bodies, which are sexy, wonderful and something to be proud of. if someone Embraces their body, and you don't approve? you need to do some work on your own self, and stop caring about others.

chance comments often piss. me. off.

in other news, i feel good after a day of shopping, park, late sleep in, and pulling down an exhibition (shhhhhh.... it WASN'T the one at work, because i wasn't paid for it... shhhh) as a favour to two of my favourite people in the world. we got a large gallery pulled apart in an HOUR! this makes me physically tired, this is awesome. not hungry, sadly, but will try and make something to temp me belly with... sigh. stupid not eating. so frustrating.