it's even coupled with things like 'realistic' and 'acceptance' and 'understanding' and 'remembering that breakup was needed' and i am actually feeling those things are true.
this is very good.
still sad that it has to be this way.
still a little sulky that he's getting Adventures and Love, doing things with someone else and not with me... but actually, this is ok, because i love him, and i am glad he has a chance at happiness that honestly the two of us could not, not in the form our relationship took. he can do that with someone else wonderful and they can share that, and yeah, i am a little sad that it could never be me, but, well.. this is the way things are with us. and well.. i look forward so much to our friendship growing and forming now, i think it really can, with time. gently.
and my adventures, well, are just around any corner, gently tugging my sleeve waiting for me to dance off with them when i am ready to and we find each other, me and my adventures, my delicious happy places to go and find glee and joy and wonderful things.
today:
i saw a BABY KANGAROO in a POUCH! i have never seen this before, and i was thrilled.
I explored a burned out house, and made a new friend. an ELEFRIEND, as e. called it, when i texted him a photo of it.
elefriend is HERE!
AND HERE TOO!!
it was a strangely beautiful place to explore.
also :
i may have ANOTHER hausmate... just a temporary one until nikhi moves down... friend of a friend, she seems cool, really, i just feel slightly chocked by the lack of fundage... and really like the idea of the extra funds in the form of someone else. but fuck, i love living alone, SO MUCH, i am not sure if i am ready to sacrifice the pure luxury of wandering around the haus naked and having my laptop in the loungeroom that i can use whenever i want and not feel like i am invading space. it's exceptional.
also :
weekend should be good. two visitors from interstate, one for a month, one just for the weekend, one is my cousin, and one is guy i haven't seen since i was 14 and had a huge teenage crush on him. *shrugs* i presume nothing, lay no plans, and remain totally aware that my heart is taking things slow right now, because i am in love with someone, and i am repositioning the 'in' to a love, which is deep and meaningful, but... different... and it's starting to move a little... a little each day, i am retraining my brain, softening it, and remembering him so warmly, our love so warmly, and letting go the desire for it to continue, to let it go, sand soft, wonderful memories, so many gifts, he helped me find the desire to create again, and ... oh so much, beautiful one, and soft soft footsteps, elizabeth, don't push, we'll get there, and i can love him as a friend, a special, glorious friend, we have that one day, so strong and special, i can see it, all clear glass but stronger diamond like... i know this is a vulnerable time for me, and i am watching that. but, ... well.. *shrugs*. life can be surprising.
tired now. after shit sleep for the last few nights, i am trying to push a little more and stay awake for a bit more, in order to sleep Solid like.
*pulls doona around neck and wishes my Regular Readers - i should start a one way dialogue with ya'll according to your ISP names eh? - a beautiful night's sleep*
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