shiny!

i once again remembered that this was my damn blog, and i would blog however i wanted to.... if i want to talk about my battle with my brain, i will. it's not angsty, it's how i am living my life.

last night, i was exceedingly distressed. it was amazingly bad. i knew it couldn't go on. it was at the space where i was feeling that, if i needed to feel like this for any longer, i could not survive it. this is danger point, red flag, deal with it NOW territory. so i did. i am damn lucky to live in a state with exceptional mental health care. you make a phone call here, and people come out and talk to you, and work out what needs to be done.

i've swallowed more than my pride, and taken an anti-psychotic as a sedative. i have a childish fear and loathing of anti-psychotics. however, the effects are starting to roll over me and they are amazingly pleasant. so am no longer in deep fear of our sedating friends.am looking forward to SOLID sleeptime, and being dead to world for a bit. also looking forward to working on Re-imagining The Apartment. It's a dreamy plan. i have a week or so until it's officially, on PAPER, all mine. then nikhi is here for a month, (with jamin for a few days too), and jule in may. i want the amazing combination of nikhi energy, and jule energy.

and i want to knit a shawl. a healing shawl. one for me, one for liza, one for winnie, and one for nikhi, one for fi, one for lady emma, one for lady nat... etc.

oh god... this is a pleasurable feeling. everything is getting softer and softer and softer, the organs are sliding in and out of each other. nice.