four

sorry, i'm still going. don't worry, i'll go to sleep soon. i'm going to look for my dragon shawl. it's got a dragon scale pattern on it, lace, little gaps, softness, crawling up holes, between fingers, cashmere, one of my favourite fibers.

i hate how angry and bitter i sound, towards people who i actually Like. that's what's hardest. i hate having all this feeling pouring over me, and it ending up overflowing anywhere near her. she's great. like i said, i think she's an awesome human being, and it's so hard given the context. i loathe it. however, i don't know why HE thinks she is awesome. in all of my SIX MONTHS of m diatribes, i never got insight into what he loved about her, other than that she was sometimes funny. it was only when i started talking to her that i realised - hell, she's cool. i can see why he likes her. i get that. why didn't you tell me more about how great she is? love is love, and i can celebrate that. it would hurt, but not like this. i would be ok if not for the promise he'd never do it, the repeated statements and lists of why, only to have him do it two days after one such talk.

sigh.

boring, boring BORING BORING BORING elizabeth. come ON. argh. hard not to bash self up over how dull it is. i can get the mental image of readers rolling eyes, or laughing at me, i guess. no, not i guess. i do. people just sniggering at how pathetic i am.

tea, cup four for the night. it is like beer only better. potato curry was not too good, sadly, i didn't have any vegetable stock so just used water.




oh little bird why can't you fly?