now, i feel i still need to.
" You had once asked me if i was afraid of dying.
I said I was afraid of not living.
I don't want to eke out my life like a resource in short supply. The only selfish life is a timid one. To hold back, to withdraw, to keep the best in reserve, both overvalues the self, and undervalues what the self is. "
Written on the body
Jeanette Winterson.
i want to repeat to myself that i should not hold back i should not hold back i should not hold back. even when you let go, hand slipping over hand, heart falling down cliff-face no return, no return, no return, even then, it is living, and it is feeling, and it is letting go of the self in order to find it. it is not worth regretting, but celebrating, because the pain makes us human, and is not always a bad thing, a bad sensation, but something engorging and heavy and overwhelming, but with a worthwhile, profound beauty to it, when the pain is caused by something wonderful ending.
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